campcampfandomcom-20200214-history
Transcript:Space Camp Was a Hoax
.SBV Transcript 0,0:00:09.76,0:00:15.62 Space Kid: Uh, Neil! Do you read me? Come in, Neil. Maybe if I use Morse code? 0,0:00:16.48,0:00:17.92 Code: S.O.S 0,0:00:18.42,0:00:19.68 S.O.S. 0,0:00:19.84,0:00:20.34 *sigh* 0,0:00:20.82,0:00:25.44 Code: F.U.C.K.O.F.F 0,0:00:26.12,0:00:27.18 Roger that! :D 0,0:00:29.16,0:00:33.10 Oh no! We're stuck in the gravitational pull! 0,0:00:33.34,0:00:33.84 Nikki: Ow! 0,0:00:34.00,0:00:36.10 Space Kid: Oh! Sorry! Uh, booster rocket go! 0,0:00:36.10,0:00:38.96 Nikki: Yeow! Stupid Space Kid... 0,0:00:40.44,0:00:43.42 Space Kid: Uh, Max, this landing is tricky. I'm gonna need your help. 0,0:00:43.44,0:00:45.66 Max: I told you, I don't want to play your dumb space game. 0,0:00:45.66,0:00:48.94 Space Kid: It's not dumb, it's space! The final frontier! 0,0:00:48.94,0:00:52.16 Max: Your final frontier is gonna be flipping burgers at the drive-thru! 0,0:00:52.16,0:00:53.40 Space Kid: What do you mean? 0,0:00:54.04,0:00:58.54 Max: I'm saying, there's no way you're ever going to space. Just give it up already! 0,0:00:59.41,0:01:01.68 Space Kid: Sure I am, that's why I'm here! 0,0:01:01.68,0:01:06.00 Max: You don't actually go to space at Space Camp. You eat astronaut ice cream, you get spun around real fast. 0,0:01:06.26,0:01:07.36 How stupid can you be? 0,0:01:07.38,0:01:09.68 Space Kid: That's not what the brochure says. 0,0:01:12.68,0:01:17.00 David: Come on, kiddos. You know we only have one wet floor sign and it's already in use. 0,0:01:17.08,0:01:20.28 Space Kid: Max is just upset that I get to go to space and he doesn't. 0,0:01:20.28,0:01:25.42 Max: No! I'm upset that A, you think it's possible for a shitty camp like this to send you to space, 0,0:01:25.42,0:01:30.94 and B, that I have a shitty toy in my already shitty potatoes that are now on the shitty floor! 0,0:01:31.20,0:01:36.50 David: Well, one, I think you owe the quartermaster an apology. Those potatoes are his specialty. 0,0:01:37.80,0:01:40.16 Quartermaster: I'm gonna need that wet floor sign 0,0:01:41.20,0:01:45.32 David: And, two, while I think your phrasing could use some work, Max is right, little dipper. 0,0:01:45.36,0:01:47.90 You're not actually going to space, 0,0:01:48.10,0:01:51.88 but we are going to have the most fun space activities of any space camp out there! 0,0:01:51.88,0:01:52.56 Space Kid: But- 0,0:01:52.56,0:01:54.50 David: Now, let's see here. What did we have listed? 0,0:01:54.50,0:01:59.17 Space facts? Huh, got a whole book of those! Space food, can do! 0,0:01:59.17,0:02:03.06 Zero-G training... Um, sure we can figure that out and... 0,0:02:03.16,0:02:05.16 Send your child to... 0,0:02:05.52,0:02:06.52 Space... 0,0:02:06.52,0:02:07.52 Space Kid: See? 0,0:02:07.52,0:02:08.96 Space! 0,0:02:09.82,0:02:15.12 David: Now, you see, kids, when a piece of information has an asterisk that usually means it has a caveat. 0,0:02:15.13,0:02:20.46 I'm sure it says, "No caveats here! Your kid will go zoom straight into space or your money back! 0,0:02:20.62,0:02:23.70 Plus extra money! we'll film it and send you the footage too!" 0,0:02:24.56,0:02:26.62 Space Kid: Spaaaaaace! 0,0:02:26.62,0:02:29.98 David: Gwen! I think we might be in trouble this time! Like, for real! 0,0:02:29.98,0:02:31.42 Gwen: Alright, what is it? What's wrong? 0,0:02:31.42,0:02:35.86 David: This gosh darn brochure says we have to actually send Space Kid to the actual moon! 0,0:02:35.86,0:02:36.46 Gwen: Okay. 0,0:02:36.46,0:02:39.74 David: But we can't send them to the actual moon or any moon for that matter! 0,0:02:39.76,0:02:41.20 Gwen: What are you suggesting, then? 0,0:02:41.20,0:02:42.50 David: I hate to say it, but... 0,0:02:43.00,0:02:45.84 We're going to have to fake a moon landing. 0,0:02:46.82,0:02:47.50 Gwen: Okay. 0,0:02:47.60,0:02:49.74 David: Really? I figured you'd object or something. 0,0:02:49.74,0:02:53.36 Gwen: Nah. I mean, that sounds like the kind of stuff we do around here. 0,0:02:55.58,0:02:57.74 Alright, let's go deal with Space Kid. 0,0:02:59.58,0:03:02.18 Max: We've got to deal with Space Kid. 0,0:03:02.82,0:03:41.40 [ Camp Camp Song Song ] 0,0:03:48.54,0:03:52.60 David: Now, you just keep an eye on that weather. We need those skies to be clear! 0,0:03:52.60,0:03:53.10 Space Kid: Roger! 0,0:03:53.18,0:03:55.00 David: Okay, construction team. 0,0:03:55.00,0:03:55.56 How's it going? 0,0:03:55.56,0:03:56.06 Gwen: Terrible. 0,0:03:56.28,0:03:59.22 This is a stupid idea that won't work in a million years. 0,0:03:59.22,0:04:01.38 Nurf: Is the moon actually made of cheese?\NBecause if it's not, 0,0:04:01.98,0:04:03.98 Look, I'm just saying I already brought all this cheese. 0,0:04:03.98,0:04:06.96 David: It has to, Gwen! We can't let any camper down! 0,0:04:07.20,0:04:11.56 Besides, we have a solid plan. While I keep Space Kid busy with some good old-fashioned activities, 0,0:04:11.58,0:04:16.07 All you and our crack team of volunteer campers have to do is finish constructing an elaborate moon landing 0,0:04:16.18,0:04:20.26 extravaganza that will not only enrich our dear campers' life, but looking convincing enough on film to keep his parents from suing! 0,0:04:21.36,0:04:23.06 Nurf: Hey, I'm gonna eat some of this cheese. 0,0:04:23.06,0:04:24.42 Gwen: No pressure. 0,0:04:24.42,0:04:26.10 David: It'll be great! Right, kiddos? 0,0:04:26.10,0:04:28.74 Harrison: The greatest illusion of all time. 0,0:04:28.74,0:04:32.64 I'll be known worldwide. You know, in specific circles. 0,0:04:32.86,0:04:37.02 Space Kid: Oh no, I think I see a rain cloud! Oh, wait, no, it's just a normal cloud. 0,0:04:37.70,0:04:38.90 My eyes hurt... 0,0:04:38.90,0:04:41.28 David: Whoopsie! Better go tend to our aspiring astronaut. 0,0:04:41.34,0:04:44.86 Gwen: All right, kids. Let's get back to work- Nurf! 0,0:04:44.86,0:04:47.46 Astronaut is spelled with one S and you know it! 0,0:04:47.80,0:04:52.68 Max: Damn, it damn it, damn it! If Davey gets his way, then Space Kid's never gonna chill out about space. 0,0:04:52.84,0:04:56.57 Nikki: It's okay, guys. I have an idea. We're gonna have to... 0,0:04:57.16,0:04:59.16 destroy space. 0,0:04:59.47,0:05:05.99 Neil: Or, we try aversion therapy. If we can somehow get him to associate space with discomfort, 0,0:05:06.00,0:05:08.96 It could make him drop the whole thing entirely! 0,0:05:08.96,0:05:11.06 Max: So we don't have to stop David's Moon landing, 0,0:05:11.06,0:05:13.42 We just have to make it scar him for life. 0,0:05:13.42,0:05:14.50 Nikki: Okay! 0,0:05:14.64,0:05:17.90 Max: Not like that. I've got a better idea. 0,0:05:19.76,0:05:27.96 David: Alright, let's get started. I have here the official Camp Campbell Space Paperwork. First off, name? 0,0:05:28.22,0:05:29.56 Space Kid: Neil Armstrong, sir. 0,0:05:29.78,0:05:30.58 David: Right... 0,0:05:30.58,0:05:32.90 Your name is Neil Armstrong... 0,0:05:32.92,0:05:34.66 Space Kid: I'm named after my great-grandfather. 0,0:05:34.66,0:05:39.14 David: Uh-huh, of course you are. Let me just write that down. 0,0:05:40.32,0:05:42.68 Let's see, here got some pretty standard questions. 0,0:05:42.72,0:05:43.40 Height? 0,0:05:43.40,0:05:43.90 Space Kid: This many! 0,0:05:43.90,0:05:44.88 David: Weight? 0,0:05:44.88,0:05:45.56 Space Kid: This many. 0,0:05:45.58,0:05:46.26 David: Blood type? 0,0:05:46.40,0:05:47.18 Space Kid: Red! 0,0:05:47.18,0:05:47.68 David: Gender? 0,0:05:47.68,0:05:48.18 Space Kid: Earthling! 0,0:05:48.18,0:05:48.70 David: Race? 0,0:05:48.88,0:05:50.36 Space Kid: We have to beat the Soviets! 0,0:05:50.48,0:05:52.74 David: That's the spirit. Now, how about some trivia? 0,0:05:52.92,0:05:53.78 Space Kid: Yay! 0,0:05:53.92,0:05:56.84 David: First question: how many planets are there in the solar system? 0,0:05:58.24,0:05:59.08 Space Kid: Eight! 0,0:05:59.36,0:06:02.30 David: Uh, nope, sorry, the book says nine. 0,0:06:02.30,0:06:08.26 Space Kid: Oh, you must be counting the dwarf planets too, that gets pretty tricky, so eight plus the five known dwarf planets, 0,0:06:08.28,0:06:13.02 Sorry Pluto, plus possibly hundreds of others, did I get it right? 0,0:06:13.52,0:06:14.34 David: Uh, sure! 0,0:06:14.78,0:06:17.34 Gwen: David! I could use some help over here! 0,0:06:17.44,0:06:19.90 Nurf: I forgot I was lactose intolerant... 0,0:06:20.40,0:06:22.40 David: Oh, boy. Uh, I'll be right back. 0,0:06:23.40,0:06:25.68 Max: Hey there, Space Kid. 0,0:06:25.68,0:06:26.84 Space Kid: Oh, hey, Max! 0,0:06:26.84,0:06:28.36 Max: How's the training going? 0,0:06:28.48,0:06:30.90 Space Kid: Well, we haven't really started training yet, but uh- 0,0:06:30.90,0:06:32.22 Max: And that's exactly why I'm here. 0,0:06:32.22,0:06:34.78 We got to get you ready for zero-gravity. 0,0:06:34.78,0:06:36.56 Space Kid: We do? Oh, oh, we do! 0,0:06:36.56,0:06:38.42 But uh, how are we gonna do that? 0,0:06:38.42,0:06:39.34 Max: Well... 0,0:06:43.50,0:06:45.50 Space Kid: Whoa! Martians! 0,0:06:46.66,0:06:49.55 David: Well, hello there, Max. Have you seen Space Kid? 0,0:06:49.60,0:06:53.15 We need to make sure he goes to bed extra early for our sunrise launch tomorrow. 0,0:06:53.16,0:06:55.00 Max: It's 4:00 in the afternoon. 0,0:06:55.00,0:06:56.92 David: And I'm out of space activities. 0,0:06:56.92,0:06:59.28 Max: Don't worry, David. I'll be sure to let him know. 0,0:07:27.00,0:07:30.42 Space Kid: Thanks for all the training, Max, but I'm not feeling so great. 0,0:07:30.42,0:07:32.94 Max: Yeah, astronaut training will do that to you. 0,0:07:32.94,0:07:37.84 That's why I've got some nice powerful sleeping medicine to make sure you sleep soundly through the night. 0,0:07:38.94,0:07:39.90 Space Kid: Well, how much should I take? 0,0:07:40.08,0:07:41.78 Max: All of it's probably good. 0,0:07:43.30,0:07:45.00 Space Kid: Thanks for having my back, Max. 0,0:07:45.08,0:07:46.52 Max: Anytime, buddy. 0,0:07:48.40,0:07:51.00 David: Good morning, my little astronaut! 0,0:07:56.26,0:07:58.50 Gwen:All right, everyone know their jobs? 0,0:07:58.50,0:07:59.14 Preston: Yes! 0,0:07:59.44,0:08:02.88 Improvisational theater! An entire play where the lead has no script! 0,0:08:03.22,0:08:04.40 Groundbreaking! 0,0:08:04.74,0:08:08.60 Space Kid: Guys, I'm not feeling too good. Can we play space another day? 0,0:08:08.80,0:08:11.98 Harrison: Space waits for no one. 0,0:08:12.30,0:08:14.54 Nurf: Yeah, so you're ready, Space Kid? 0,0:08:14.62,0:08:17.50 Fading Space Kid, Space Kid, Space Kid... 0,0:08:17.64,0:08:19.74 Mission Control: Astronaut Armstrong, are you ready, sir? 0,0:08:20.10,0:08:21.32 Space Kid: I'm ready! 0,0:08:32.24,0:08:34.76 David: It sounds like he's having a fever dream. 0,0:08:35.00,0:08:36.74 Gwen: It sounds like he's going to fucking space! 0,0:08:37.00,0:08:38.02 Three, two, one. 0,0:08:38.28,0:08:39.96 Nerris: Blastoff! 0,0:08:43.03,0:08:43.73 Gwen: Now! 0,0:08:46.92,0:08:48.98 David: You're, uh, breaching the atmosphere. 0,0:08:49.26,0:08:51.04 Space Kid: So many Gs! 0,0:08:53.24,0:08:54.78 Gwen: He sounds like he's buying it. 0,0:08:54.86,0:08:57.08 David: It's working! Cue the next phase! 0,0:08:59.66,0:09:02.56 Alright, Space Kid. We're about to begin the landing sequence. 0,0:09:02.56,0:09:04.06 Max: Oh no. 0,0:09:04.10,0:09:07.80 Your nav computer or some bullshit is malfunctioning. 0,0:09:07.80,0:09:08.80 David: Max, no! 0,0:09:15.12,0:09:16.64 Space Kid: Whoa! 0,0:09:22.80,0:09:23.50 Nurf: Nice. 0,0:09:25.16,0:09:29.68 Gwen: What have you done?! Do you realize how much paperwork I have to do for a dead camper? 0,0:09:29.70,0:09:32.68 Max: Don't over react- Wait, you've had to do that before? 0,0:09:32.68,0:09:34.50 David: Oh my goodness! What's that? 0,0:09:45.72,0:09:48.18 Space Kid: Mission Command, I've made it. 0,0:09:52.62,0:09:55.76 With findings like these, I'll surely go down in history. 0,0:09:56.80,0:09:57.56 Command! 0,0:09:57.66,0:10:00.14 I appear to still be suffering some... Distress. 0,0:10:03.14,0:10:05.14 David: He's alive and well! 0,0:10:06.66,0:10:08.34 Space Kid: Spaaaaaaaace! 0,0:10:10.58,0:10:11.52 David: Well, he's alive. 0,0:10:11.98,0:10:13.96 Gwen: Wait, what the hell is that? 0,0:10:14.04,0:10:16.80 Neil Armstrong! We're picking up heat signatures! 0,0:10:23.34,0:10:31.48 Neil: We are aliens. We will consume your brain if you come to space! Give up on your dreams and save yourself! 0,0:10:31.60,0:10:33.94 Nikki: Yeah, space is our turf, motherfu- 0,0:10:36.64,0:10:39.70 Space Kid: I've come in peace, Moon Martians. 0,0:10:39.94,0:10:43.26 And I hope that we may work together for a better tomorrow. 0,0:10:46.08,0:10:47.48 Neil: Think we scared the space out of him? 0,0:10:47.88,0:10:50.62 Nikki: I dunno, but I'm getting bored and caring less. 0,0:10:58.80,0:11:00.92 David: Oh my gosh. Space Kid, are you okay? 0,0:11:00.92,0:11:02.46 Max: Are you finally sick of space? 0,0:11:03.04,0:11:03.82 Space Kid: I- 0,0:11:04.66,0:11:05.16 I- 0,0:11:05.84,0:11:09.00 I love space! 0,0:11:09.64,0:11:11.58 David: You see, Max, when your heart is in the right place, 0,0:11:11.68,0:11:13.52 it's okay if you fib a little. 0,0:11:13.52,0:11:14.76 It all works out! 0,0:11:15.20,0:11:15.84 Is that a good moral? 0,0:11:15.84,0:11:18.36 Max: Why couldn't he get burnt up on re-entry? 0,0:11:18.36,0:11:19.84 David: Gwen! Do you know what this means? 0,0:11:20.20,0:11:21.40 We did it! 0,0:11:21.76,0:11:23.76 Gwen: Is this what succeeding feels like? 0,0:11:23.76,0:11:25.10 I've never felt it before. 0,0:11:25.10,0:11:26.82 It's great! 0,0:11:27.08,0:11:29.26 David: Now all that's left to do is to send his parents the tape! 0,0:11:29.44,0:11:29.94 So, 0,0:11:29.94,0:11:31.18 unison Where did you set up the camera? 0,0:11:32.16,0:11:34.50 Space Kid: Spaaaaaaaaace! 0,0:11:35.14,0:11:37.54 Gwen: I mean, do you know Photoshop? 0,0:11:37.72,0:11:41.92 "Finally, I Got to Make a Space Kid Song!" by Richie Branson. 0,0:11:53.80,0:00:00.00 Space Kid: Now what? Category:Transcripts